points of interest [kalpurna]

– Oh my Lord, how is Suri Cruise so cute? I am almost tempted to recant my "creepy as fuck" ruling on her parents' relationship! But, no.

– I badly, badly want to read a Due South AU based on this story. There's even an Italian ex, by whose death (or departure to Vegas) he was undoubtably devastated! And first she made him be a JESTER. Fraser in a jester hat would be the biggest woobie EVER – completely noble and unbowed, even in humiliation retaining all his dignity. Maybe that's when the unpopular court lady (lord) first fell for him? And then, oh, the ice palace. Picture the freezing cold cuddles for warmth, the bonding against a crazy enemy, the fairy-tale element.

The original story is kind of adorable in its own right, no? She was supposedly unattractive, but they stayed together and she gave birth to twins. Awww. RPF het OTP!

– Happy late Thanksgiving, you guys! You know I am thankful for fandom, right? Right. Go eat some more turkey. *loves*

– Responses to love meme made me grin like an idiot. You are all SWEET and LOVELY. Although, how am I a daiquiri? Discuss. Hopefully, it is in the "sweet, colorful, and delicious" sense, and not in the "ice-cold and effete" sense. *blows kisses*

– Also: rec me hooker!fic. Any fandom, any pairing. I gots a craving.

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Damn. You're right. That baby is too frickin cute.

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I KNOW! By rights she should have, like, tentacles or something. But no. Adorable.

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OC Hooker Fic! (http://www.misspamela.net/stories/rent.html) I'm sure you've read it before, but it's worth reading again because...yeah. I WISH THERE WAS MORE DUE SOUTH HOOKER FIC BUT NO.

Also, Suri looks like an alien. Or maybe just asian. And this is what I was telling you about last week. (http://www.talkoncorners.net/badmanips/sgaarsinoee.JPG)

I have and it is because yes.

All babies look like aliens! CUTE ALIENS. And – what? I... what. You were not telling me about that any week. Maybe my deep-seated love for mpreg got you confused, but... what?

I was SO telling you about it...in between our discussion of who has a bigger cock, Hugh or Paul, and the age that girls start masturbating. Not my fault you don't remember. You just didn't look at summercon at all.

Well, uhm, tell me again? Because apparently I was distracted for understandable reasons. (Paul's HUGE COCK.)

Also, am I not SO RIGHT about the F/K Ice Palace AU? I am SO RIGHT.

Did you click on the link at all? Because it explains a lot. Like how the baby could totally be the love child of John and Rodney.

OMG, Ice Palace AU. But dude, RayK is not the ugly one. But oh man, twins. I bet there was one boy and one girl.

Okay, but it's just a picture. Is there no, um, context? No? Is this one of those things that are better without context?

He isn't ugly, he's just not popular because he's our spiky!Ray, and he THINKS he's ugly because he's INSECURE but FRASER thinks he's BEAUTIFUL and they CUDDLE FOR WARMTH.

...its a manip. Maybe it was more timely back when the cover of Tom/Katie/Suri was actually on the news stand... Or maybe you're just pretty.

But OH. I came up with RATIONALIZATION for Fraser stalking Ray in the k3x AU. I was explaining it all to

hermionemalfoy on the way to coffee and I pulled it out of NOWHERE but it is BRILLIANT.

Well duh, sorry, don't know what I was thinking. Am I right to asume that Thatcher is the tsaritsa?

NO I KNOW THAT IT'S A MANIP. I GOT THAT. I meant more, like, who made it? Or when? Or why? No one is THAT pretty, okay.

AWESOMECAKES.

I was thinking Victoria, but Thatcher works too...

It was for

summercon! The bad manip challenge. Which I thought I said.

Oh you know all the cripples and despised ethnic minorities at the wedding are Fraser's friends. Like, he's happy they're there. And they melt the ice bed with the smoking hot sex that they have. Because they started out cuddling for warmth, but need to be uh, more active to survive the night.

ohhhh, OK. I kind of missed all that.

OMG, they are. And Ray's all humiliated and not making eye contact and stuff, with his shoulders hunched, but Fraser's all warm and solid against his side, and he's actually acting happy to be around all these freaks, and it's somehow starting to feel to Ray like this might be a real wedding, not just an embarrassing joke. And in the morning when the Tsarina comes to find them, they're curled together asleep in a big pool of water. And Ray's fingers are in Fraser's mouth.

And Fraser just wants to make Ray happy and keep him safe, which Ray doesn't understand because it's supposed to be a punishment but then you know, fingers in Fraser's mouth, the snuggling. And then there is ANGST when the tsarista dies and Ray is all "Well, you're free of me now." And Fraser thinks Ray wants out of the relationship and they FRET even though they are IN LOVE. They fret BECAUSE they are in love but don't know the other is in love, too. And then there is rejoicing and reunion sex and twins.

\o/\o/\o/

WHY do we not have trained monkeys to write this for us, Allison? WHY?

I don't knowwwwwwww but they are so going on my Christmas list.

Hm. Tsaritsa = Victoria, Italian = Vecchio, unattractive court lady = Kowalski (this puts the whole "do you find me attractive " exchange into a completely new perspective).

Dude. *is mesmerised*

doesn't it just WORK? Check out

shoemaster's and my conversation above. I am fascinated by this possibility.

I think I hate you a very little bit right now.

But I also love you lots and lots and lots right now because I'm writing for the first time in WEEKS.

In other words: 1200 words in a fairytale-style version of that one and I have just made him a court jester. Yo.

Well. 2200 words of fairytale crack.

\o/\o/

*wins*

Now we just have to get

nos4a2no9 to write HER version, too! And then I will win at fandom yays.

That's the alien baby? She is very cute. I love those eyes - that really deep blue eye colour always gets me.

parents? still creepy as hell. *nods*

House fandom has a good amount of hooker fics, though they're usually wangsty

I know! She has the best eyes. Ohhhh, I want a baby. Curse you, hormones! *shakes tiny fist*

And yet... I don't want to be alone in a room with her parents, um, ever.

Oooh, do tell! Any particular links?

Man, I've been thinking about that Ice Palace AU all day! And I know next to nothing about Russian history, but thanks to Wikipedia I started to get bunnies and...sigh. I still haven't finished my

inuvikdotcom story and now I'm thinking about Fraser (Fraskov!) being a Cossack from Siberia and Ray being a disgraced Polish nobleman and court intrigue in Saint Petersburg and the weird fastenings on cossack pants...yes. This story must happen.

And I'm writing a dS hookerfic! I just...it's hard, which is why people don't do it. It's so much easier to imagine Cossack!Fraser than rentboy!Fraser.

Isn't it infinitely compelling? Oh man, if you write this I will love you FOREVER. It is so perfect, isn't it? Ray is all UNPOPULAR and DISGRACED and ANGSTY, and Fraser is a freak in a funny hat, and they get married and it is wooonderful.

I want rentboy Fraser tooooo. I get that it's hard, but you should persevere because it is so worth it.

Oh, angsty Ray! And Fraser in a jester hat would be the BEST. And all the hot melty sex...okay, I'm going to stop researching Russian fashions from the 1730s and start today. Because now I know how the pants work.

I can't WAIT! Dude, you know how the pants work. Now it is your MORAL OBLIGATION to show the rest of us through fic.

Did this Ice Palace AU ever Become A Thing?

No, it didn't, sadly. I did write about 10,000 words and stalled out :-(

Dude you would be my favorite person ever if you wrote Rentboy!Fraser and the Ice Palace AU. I offer Suri Cruise in exchange.

I offer Suri Cruise in exchange

Well, that is a damn good offer. But I'm surprised you'd resort to bribery so quickly!

kalpurna

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April