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kalpurna at 06:56am on 14/12/2006
kalpurna at 06:56am on 14/12/2006You know what, I'm just going to come out and say it: blowjobs in porn freak me out. They freak me out, and they bore me. I've been watching some porn lately, in a desultory fashion, as happens every so often when I remember that I have LimeWire on my computer and can download free shit, and there are a LOT OF BLOWJOBS in porn made for men. And I have several thoughts about these blowjobs.
1. They go on too long. What the hell? Is it still hot ten minutes after it starts, when it's still the same image on your screen? I vote no.
2. They're really utterly degrading to women. I mean, we all know that I am the most pornography-positive person around, and I know that fantasy ≠ real life, and yet. Why is every single one all about "take it, bitch, you whore, let me cum[*] on your face?" That's, that's a little weird. I know there is a trend to talk about women's porn, AKA romance novels, as being rape fantasies (bodice-rippers), but I'm really not so sure that that is true. And even if it were, I think they can't possibly be more rape-oriented than men's porn strikes me as being. Ewwwww. And for some reason, blowjobs are the WORST for this. They make me feel squicky and reach for the fast forward. ETA: No, you know what? It's not even a rape thing half the time. It's a "My ego is so fragile that rejection would crush it like an egg" thing. Do men actually need the kind of fawning reassurance these cocksuckers (I use the term in its technical sense) give them? If so, ughhh.
3. Wow, guys really like cock, huh. I mean... I like boys, but I don't think I like cock as much as straight men like cock, because I? GET BORED. Enough of the lingering close-ups of huge, hard dicks, if you please! It is weirding me out!
Oh, wait, I have more thoughts about porn that aren't about blowjobs.
1. Women in porn fake orgasms too much, and men don't fake orgasms enough. See, when the woman is moaning and groaning and praising Jesus, it's pretty obvious it's not real. But somehow, even during come shots, it never seems like the men are enjoying it much at ALL. Is it odd that I want the people in my porn to be having some good sex? With most of it, I just feel socially awkward. Like, "Um, maybe we should just leave, clearly this isn't working" kind of awkward. NOT HOT!
2. I need plot with my porn, or, at least, characters, or, failing that, a situation. I knew this already, but now it's, like, a scientifically proven fact. Unfortunate, but true.
3. People in porn should touch each other more. This seems weird at first, but I guess it does make sense: porn stars don't really like to touch each other unless it is obviously an OMG HOT TOUCH FOR THE CAMERA. But it IS their place of business, I suppose. Anyway: touching! Hands cupping faces when kissing, hands on backs when fucking, hands hands hands. They're fun! Use them!
4. Oh my god, enough with the tongue waggling thing. I have had ENOUGH of this thing porn people do where they stick their tongue out as far as it can possibly go and wiggle it around on some erogenous zone or other. That is Not Hot. It is, rather, Disturbing. I have admittedly not HAD much sex in my life, but I do gather that more skin to skin contact is a GOOD thing. Correct me if I'm wrong.
[*] I use the spelling advisedly.
1. They go on too long. What the hell? Is it still hot ten minutes after it starts, when it's still the same image on your screen? I vote no.
2. They're really utterly degrading to women. I mean, we all know that I am the most pornography-positive person around, and I know that fantasy ≠ real life, and yet. Why is every single one all about "take it, bitch, you whore, let me cum[*] on your face?" That's, that's a little weird. I know there is a trend to talk about women's porn, AKA romance novels, as being rape fantasies (bodice-rippers), but I'm really not so sure that that is true. And even if it were, I think they can't possibly be more rape-oriented than men's porn strikes me as being. Ewwwww. And for some reason, blowjobs are the WORST for this. They make me feel squicky and reach for the fast forward. ETA: No, you know what? It's not even a rape thing half the time. It's a "My ego is so fragile that rejection would crush it like an egg" thing. Do men actually need the kind of fawning reassurance these cocksuckers (I use the term in its technical sense) give them? If so, ughhh.
3. Wow, guys really like cock, huh. I mean... I like boys, but I don't think I like cock as much as straight men like cock, because I? GET BORED. Enough of the lingering close-ups of huge, hard dicks, if you please! It is weirding me out!
Oh, wait, I have more thoughts about porn that aren't about blowjobs.
1. Women in porn fake orgasms too much, and men don't fake orgasms enough. See, when the woman is moaning and groaning and praising Jesus, it's pretty obvious it's not real. But somehow, even during come shots, it never seems like the men are enjoying it much at ALL. Is it odd that I want the people in my porn to be having some good sex? With most of it, I just feel socially awkward. Like, "Um, maybe we should just leave, clearly this isn't working" kind of awkward. NOT HOT!
2. I need plot with my porn, or, at least, characters, or, failing that, a situation. I knew this already, but now it's, like, a scientifically proven fact. Unfortunate, but true.
3. People in porn should touch each other more. This seems weird at first, but I guess it does make sense: porn stars don't really like to touch each other unless it is obviously an OMG HOT TOUCH FOR THE CAMERA. But it IS their place of business, I suppose. Anyway: touching! Hands cupping faces when kissing, hands on backs when fucking, hands hands hands. They're fun! Use them!
4. Oh my god, enough with the tongue waggling thing. I have had ENOUGH of this thing porn people do where they stick their tongue out as far as it can possibly go and wiggle it around on some erogenous zone or other. That is Not Hot. It is, rather, Disturbing. I have admittedly not HAD much sex in my life, but I do gather that more skin to skin contact is a GOOD thing. Correct me if I'm wrong.
[*] I use the spelling advisedly.
discontent
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Also, sex is ridiculous? So, when it's sex for the sheer point of sex? It's just embarrassing, really. *g*
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You know, I have to admit that gay porn I've watched is MUCH better than straight porn, which might well have to do with the fact that, you know, it's meant to be attractive to people who like men – except, wait! I like women too, and women in straight porn are NOT HOT! Hmmm. Well, there goes my point.
Anyway, what I meant to say was that every so often in gay porn (pretty much never in straight porn), there will be one detail that makes it mindnumbingly hot for, like, a SECOND – like a pretty bottom working his hips back to take it, or someone groaning for real, or a shot of someone's toes curling. And it has the same effect as a hot detail in a porn scene in fic. But then it goes right back to fifteen minutes of cock-in-ass closeups, and I wander off to get a snack or something. Y A W N. I find that porn can hold my attention for very, very short periods of time, and for very, very specific reasons, but other than that? It takes written porn to get me off.
whee, overshare Thursdays! \o/
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The only het porn I've ever been even remotely interested in some Andrew Blake stuff when I was younger (because his stuff is very pretty), and some amateur or homemade stuff, for the versimilitude factor. But overall, blech and grrrr!
Gimme slash any day. Every day. Yeah.
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Het porn just makes me sad, and uncomfortable, and feminist-angry. Now I sort of GET why people look at me funny when I'm all "porn is awesome!" Because the porn they probably think I'm talking about? Not. Awesome.
And huh, Andrew Blake? *makes mental note to check that out*
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yes! one could draw conclusions, you know. (like: the presence of the naked pussy means that it's OK TO LOOK AT THE COCK. because that way, it's a totally straight thing to do.)
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For me there's also this rhythm problem. Sex or fooling around of any kind builds to a climax, right? Porn seems to always start to build, then just sort of get stuck and go on for about twenty minutes, then sort of give up and start over in another position and get stuck there, so instead of "o.O.O" it's like "... uh. huh. nvm. ... uh. huh. nvm." Boring (and, I can't help thinking, probably painful. God, would you want to do calisthenics for an hour? And that's probably easier than getting repeatedly punched in the crotch.)
Oh, porn! Why can you not be better? Be better!
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I don't enjoy watching sex, . I'd rather be doing it. Or reading about it, specifically, reading about Fraser and Ray and Ray doing it. *g*
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hxxp://www.mediafire.com/?fnfnydkzdgn
I haven't heard about Mediafire being difficult to download from (unlike Megaupload and their sudden hate for any IP addresses from NZ), but if you have trouble, let me know.
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