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If They Mated: Literary Edition
"Paradise Lost in Space"- Satan, Moloch, and Belial are sentenced to
spend eternity in a flying saucer with a goofy robot, an evil
scientist, and 2 annoying children.
"Machiavelli's The Little Prince" - Antoine de Saint-Exupery's classic
children's tale as presented by Machiavelli. The whimsy of human nature
is embodied in many delightful and intriguing characters, all of whom
are executed.
"Green Eggs and Hamlet" - Would you kill him in his bed? Thrust a
dagger through his head? I would not, could not, kill the King. I could
not do that evil thing. I would not wed this girl, you see. Now get her
to a nunnery.
"Fahrenheit 451 of the Vanities" - An '80s yuppie is denied books. He
does not object, or even notice.
"Where's Walden?"- Alas, the challenge of locating Henry David Thoreau
in each richly-detailed drawing loses its appeal when it quickly
becomes clear that he is always in the woods.
"Catch-22 in the Rye" - Holden learns that if you're insane, you'll
probably flunk out of prep school, but if you're flunking out of prep
school, you're probably not insane.
"2001: A Space Iliad"- The Hal 9000 computer wages an insane 10-year
war against the Greeks after falling victim to the Y2K bug.
"Rikki-Kon-Tiki-Tavi"- Thor Heyerdahl recounts his attempt to prove
Rudyard Kipling's theory that the mongoose first came to India on a
raft from Polynesia.
"The Maltese Faulkner" - Is the black bird a tortured symbol of Sam's
struggles with race and family? Does it signify his decay of soul along
with the soul of the Old South? Is it merely a crow, mocking his
attempts to understand? Or is it worth a cool mil?
"Jane Eyre Jordan" - Plucky English orphan girl survives hardships to
lead the Chicago Bulls to the NBA championship.
"Looking for Mr. Godot"- A young woman waits for Mr. Right to enter her
life. She has a loooooong wait.
"The Scarlet Pimpernel Letter" - An 18th-century English nobleman leads
a double life, freeing comely young adulteresses from the prisons of
post-Revolution France.
"Lorna Dune" - An English farmer, Paul Atreides, falls for the daughter
of a notorious rival clan, the Harkonnens, and pursues a career as a
giant worm jockey in order to impress her.
"The Remains of the Day of the Jackal" - A formal English butler puts
his loyalty to his employer above all else, until he is persuaded to
join a plot to assassinate Charles deGaulle.
"The Invisible Man of La Mancha"- Don Quixote discovers a mysterious
elixir which renders him invisible. He proceeds to go on a mad rampage
of corruption and terror, attacking innocent people in the streets and
all the while singing "To fight the Invisible Man!" until he is finally
stopped by a windmill.
"Singing in the Black Rain"- A gang of vicious Japanese druglords beat
the shit out of Gene Kelly.
"Fiddlemarch" - Emotionally dessicated medievalist Dr. Casaubon is
transformed when everyone in the town reveals that they are Jewish and
start to dance and sing a lot.
"Of Three Blind Mice and Men" - Burgess Meredith has his limbs hacked
off by a psychopathic farmer's wife. Did you ever see such a sight in
your life?
"Planet of the Grapes of Wrath" - Astronaut lands on mysterious planet,
only to discover that it is his very own home planet of Earth, which
has been taken over by the Joads, a race of dirt-poor corn farmers who
miraculously developed rudimentary technology and evolved the ability
to speak after exposure to nuclear radiation.
"The Exorstentialist" - Camus psychological thriller about a priest who
casts out a demon by convincing it that there's really no purpose to
what it's doing.
"A Time To Kill A Mockingbird": The Alabama KKK, outraged at Atticus
Finch (Gregory Peck) for defending a black man in an Alabama rape
trial, get revenge by abducting and molesting Scout. Jake Brigance
(Matthew McConaughey) and his lovely law student assistant Ellen Roark (Sandra
Bullock) arrive from Mississippi to take over defending the case for
the distraught Finch, and later defend sharpshooter Finch for taking
revenge on the KKK members.
"Paradise Lost in Space"- Satan, Moloch, and Belial are sentenced to
spend eternity in a flying saucer with a goofy robot, an evil
scientist, and 2 annoying children.
"Machiavelli's The Little Prince" - Antoine de Saint-Exupery's classic
children's tale as presented by Machiavelli. The whimsy of human nature
is embodied in many delightful and intriguing characters, all of whom
are executed.
"Green Eggs and Hamlet" - Would you kill him in his bed? Thrust a
dagger through his head? I would not, could not, kill the King. I could
not do that evil thing. I would not wed this girl, you see. Now get her
to a nunnery.
"Fahrenheit 451 of the Vanities" - An '80s yuppie is denied books. He
does not object, or even notice.
"Where's Walden?"- Alas, the challenge of locating Henry David Thoreau
in each richly-detailed drawing loses its appeal when it quickly
becomes clear that he is always in the woods.
"Catch-22 in the Rye" - Holden learns that if you're insane, you'll
probably flunk out of prep school, but if you're flunking out of prep
school, you're probably not insane.
"2001: A Space Iliad"- The Hal 9000 computer wages an insane 10-year
war against the Greeks after falling victim to the Y2K bug.
"Rikki-Kon-Tiki-Tavi"- Thor Heyerdahl recounts his attempt to prove
Rudyard Kipling's theory that the mongoose first came to India on a
raft from Polynesia.
"The Maltese Faulkner" - Is the black bird a tortured symbol of Sam's
struggles with race and family? Does it signify his decay of soul along
with the soul of the Old South? Is it merely a crow, mocking his
attempts to understand? Or is it worth a cool mil?
"Jane Eyre Jordan" - Plucky English orphan girl survives hardships to
lead the Chicago Bulls to the NBA championship.
"Looking for Mr. Godot"- A young woman waits for Mr. Right to enter her
life. She has a loooooong wait.
"The Scarlet Pimpernel Letter" - An 18th-century English nobleman leads
a double life, freeing comely young adulteresses from the prisons of
post-Revolution France.
"Lorna Dune" - An English farmer, Paul Atreides, falls for the daughter
of a notorious rival clan, the Harkonnens, and pursues a career as a
giant worm jockey in order to impress her.
"The Remains of the Day of the Jackal" - A formal English butler puts
his loyalty to his employer above all else, until he is persuaded to
join a plot to assassinate Charles deGaulle.
"The Invisible Man of La Mancha"- Don Quixote discovers a mysterious
elixir which renders him invisible. He proceeds to go on a mad rampage
of corruption and terror, attacking innocent people in the streets and
all the while singing "To fight the Invisible Man!" until he is finally
stopped by a windmill.
"Singing in the Black Rain"- A gang of vicious Japanese druglords beat
the shit out of Gene Kelly.
"Fiddlemarch" - Emotionally dessicated medievalist Dr. Casaubon is
transformed when everyone in the town reveals that they are Jewish and
start to dance and sing a lot.
"Of Three Blind Mice and Men" - Burgess Meredith has his limbs hacked
off by a psychopathic farmer's wife. Did you ever see such a sight in
your life?
"Planet of the Grapes of Wrath" - Astronaut lands on mysterious planet,
only to discover that it is his very own home planet of Earth, which
has been taken over by the Joads, a race of dirt-poor corn farmers who
miraculously developed rudimentary technology and evolved the ability
to speak after exposure to nuclear radiation.
"The Exorstentialist" - Camus psychological thriller about a priest who
casts out a demon by convincing it that there's really no purpose to
what it's doing.
"A Time To Kill A Mockingbird": The Alabama KKK, outraged at Atticus
Finch (Gregory Peck) for defending a black man in an Alabama rape
trial, get revenge by abducting and molesting Scout. Jake Brigance
(Matthew McConaughey) and his lovely law student assistant Ellen Roark (Sandra
Bullock) arrive from Mississippi to take over defending the case for
the distraught Finch, and later defend sharpshooter Finch for taking
revenge on the KKK members.
(no subject)