Let's talk about failsafes! I can't believe I'm not flocking this! [kalpurna]

Let's talk about porn, my darlings! I seem to be in the mood for kinks, for hearing about kinks and talking about kinks and indulging my own.

There are certain fics that I consider "failsafes," sort of bulletproof fics, if you will. When I'm not interested in, er, beating around the bush, these are the stories I go for – straight to the point, and wildly, unreasonably hot. I'm not talking about stuff you read once or twice that you thought was sexy. I'm not talking about stuff that continues to move you emotionally or make you laugh even though you've read it a thousand times. I'm talking about the ones that you go back to over and over, when you're bored and tired and not in the mood for anything but getting off, because they never, ever fail to turn you on. Those ones.

kinkiness redux by

eliade, S/X. This one isn't even a legitimate fic; it's one paragraph of random hotness. I probably have most of it memorized by now.

Night Watch by the Webrain. S/X. The first fic I ever felt this way about; pretty much the thing that sold me on slash, along with

eliade's oeuvre. Hot like burning.

Feeding Frenzy by

astolat, anyone/everyone. Jesus fucking Christ, this does it for me.

How to Succeed in Sex Slavery Without Really Trying, also by

astolat, John/Rodney. Nrrrgh guh.

In Which Jared Makes a Realization and Jensen Isn't Nice by

veronamay. Another one where I have the porn scene nearly memorized, because it is so unreasonably hot. I have a whole new airport bathroom fantasy because of this fic.

Untitled by

rageprufrock. Uhm, I'm starting to think that doubledicking might be a kink of mine (in fic, oh my GOD), judging by my love for this, as well as Swap/Meet, and the one I'm about to link to:

A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Schoolboy Crush by

jzbell. Panic! at the Disco group slutfic (primer for those who don't know the fandom). Hello, double penetration!

Anyway, that's all I can think of for now, but there are totally way more! I didn't even include any DS fic this time around. But already I'm seeing patterns emerge that are kind of interesting, and that I hadn't noticed before; I really like assfucking in fic, I guess, and apparently double penetration Jesus, and boys bottoming sluttily. (Not exclusive bottoming as, like, a lifestyle? Just really enjoying a particular instance of bottoming, and being very very eager to get fucked.)

This is interesting! (Maybe only to me, but still.) Tell me about your bulletproof fics! I want to know which stories never steer you wrong! Nothing is going to make me judge you, don't worry. Glass houses. *g*

This isn't really meta, but just in case, newsletters, please don't link.

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you are entirely made of awesome. this is the PERFECT Friday night post.

and okay. I have my general bulletproff kinks (boys in panties, genderfuck, alley sex, car sex), but what you're talking about here? My sure-fire fics? Are the ones where the guys are so fucking turned on, they get off before they're ready for it. Where they come before they can even get in, where they come before they can even get their cock out of their pants.

I didn't even KNOW that before you posted this, but I started thinking of my favorite sex scenes (Ray and Fraser in Anatomically Correct, Fraser coming all over Ray's ass when Ray says to fuck him. Ray and Ray in the canoe fic, Vecchio HAVING TO pull his cock out of his pants and come all over Ray two seconds afterwards, Fraser coming on Ray's face accidently in the Hockey AU) - THESE are the bulletproof ones, the ones I cannot, CANNOT get enough of, and never, ever lose their steam.

Great post - I can't wait to see the rest of teh responses.

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if I were to make a list of people I thought would approve of this post, you would have been at the TOP OF THE LIST. Which is why I heart you. <3<3<3

Oooh, hey, I like that too! That – wow! See, it's funny, because those scenes you mentioned are crazy hot to me, and it's even maybe a kink of mine, and yet those aren't my sure-fire fics. I have no idea what pushes a scene over the edge from "hot" into "can't get enough," and I think that's so strange and interesting! I want to figure out why! I can't wait for the other responses, too, I'm so curious about which fics do this for people.

I love that fandom lets me be this fascinated by my own (and others') sexual quirks. YAY.

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I haven't really been interested in any fic but dS for some time (over a year? good god), so all of mine are pretty much Six Degrees of Canada fandom.

Watershed (http://neonnights.illuminatedtext.com/duesouth/watershed.html") by Nifra Idril - F/K, and if I were ever to have something I defined as a bulletproof fic, this would be it and my number one forever and ever. It's almost right on the line of non-con, but not enough to trigger feelings of squick. Just feelings of MMPH.

Blue-Ball Special (http://community.livejournal.com/stop_drop_porn/11750.html) by

glossing - I don't even like Ray/Ray, as a general rule, because I'm one of those "it fucks with my OTP" people. But, man, I love this one. It manages to not preclude the possibility of F/K. So my vague "But ... but ... FRASER" feelings don't dilute the hot for me!

Ego Collision (http://www.lynnmonstermash.com/duesouth/Ego_Collision.html) by Lynnmonster - a dS/HCL crossover threesome. Um. Yeah. It's. Yeah.

Apparently the method of getting off doesn't matter to me, as long as it's described in the filthiest, dirtiest way possible. \o/

hi. yes. I AGREE. omg, "blue-ball special" was, uhm, one of my FAVORITE fantasy fics for, like, a solid MONTH after she posted it. And Ego Collison! god. Okay. I think I need to go re-read BOTH of those. It's the - dirty, forceful, NEEDY getting off in those that KILLS ME.

Watershed has one of my favorite verbal/emotional scenes ever, too. The whole bit with Ray saying "you love me" gets to me so much. And god, yes, hotness, all of them – I haven't read the Ray/Ray one, because I am way out on the lunatic fringe of the "it fucks with my OTP" people. SIGH.

OMG, agreed...Watershed is one of the HOTTEST fics ever written. Ever. *fans self*

Oh, wow. There are so many! Some Strange Prophecy, with the elevator sex (god, I love elevator sex.) Passion, when Fraser is shocked to realize he likes to be fucked, just as much as he likes fucking Ray. BLG's Roughed Up, with Ray coming in his jeans and Fraser being all calm about it, even though he's beyond turned on. Tilt, when Fraser's trying so hard not to come, but Ray kinda makes him, anyway.

Huh. I guess I really love it when orgasm takes them surprise. *nods* That really gets me off.

you and I are, clearly, the same person. I think people are FEARFUL for what dirty kinky conversations are going to occur when we meet in RL. Dear lord. I love you MADLY. ♥

CLEARLY. And I, for one, CANNOT WAIT. ♥

Oooooh, yes. That is totally one of my kinks too, apparently! God, I love the responses to this post, because my reaction keeps being "Oh, hey, that fic is really hot!" or even "I think I have that kink!" and yet those fics aren't a failsafe for me – they don't always always get me no matter how bored and tired I am. And I have no idea why! Why not those? Why these others? Sexuality is so bizarre and random sometimes.

P.S. Who are Passion and Tilt by? I want to go find and reread them, and I don't remember the authors...

Ack! Sorry I meant to post links!

Tilt (http://trickster.org/res/tilt.html) is by Resonant.

Passion (http://www.trickster.org/speranza/Passion.html) is by Speranza.

And I get what you're saying, yeah. Sometimes I will see a rec, and a whole bunch of people will be raving about how hot it is, and I'll say, yes! That was hot! But not anything I'd ever really care about reading again.

Thanks!

Seriously, what is that about? I love that we all have such different fic kinks. It makes life more interesting, don't you think?

Honestly, I don't have too many of those. Most of the fics I go back to over and over are the ploty ones, whereas when I'm in that kind of a mood, I head over to a porny com, like

merry_smutmas or

pornish_pixies and look for anything that looks like it's just going to be dirty. I tend to like fics that tiptoe around the line of consent or at least for there to be some animosity between the characters which (since I'm still primarily in HP fandom) tends to lead to a lot of really filthy gryffindor/slytherin rarepair fics (pansy/hermione, blaise/anybody, you get the idea)

What I love is when a writer I love breaks out of her normal pairing, especially when they write a pairing I'm usually uncomfortable with. The only Het I read is written by slash authors, and it is good.

emmagrant01 does this more frequently than anybody else I'm aware of, and I LOVE her for it.

Huh! That second one is such a meta kink. That's fascinating! When I'm in that kind of mood, I generally don't have the patience to find something new, unless I'm feeling perkier or more investigative than usual, so I tend to fall back on old favorites. Aren't there any porny fics (or porny scenes) that you reread? It seems like it would get so tiring to find a new one every time.

The thing about finding good porn on those comms is that they're really high quality. pixies is invitation only, and smutmas is the largest and most respected holiday fic exchange in HP fandom, so finding good, porny fic there is kinda like shooting fish in a barrel. Plus, they have masterlists classified by pairing and with one line synopses.

like I said, I fall back into the ploty fics. But, a lot of my favourite plotty fics have good sex scenes that I always enjoy. There's the getting-together scene in "Stealing Harry", the blowjob scene in "Left My Heart" (it's extra hot because it's a mindfuck, too), and a good number of others.

Yeah, but even if it's good, it might not happen to work for me this time, you know? And the ones I mentioned above pretty much always work. I don't know! Maybe I'm just picky.

Have you been devouring a huge amount of F/K? Dooo iiit. You will thank me. Here, read Academic Punk (http://www.theburrow.net/ds/punkp.html).

I'm reading one Allison recommended right now, by speranza. It's called "about a dog" I think...

Yay! More recs! Ooh. And this ones porny - break from Dief-as-human fic!

yay for AU professors fic! Sadly lacking in quantity of porn, but more than making up for it in the beautiful lead up ♥

And that ending was so cute!

I've kind of sort of accidentally memorised that scene in Passion that

kristiinthedark was talking about. (It's Speranza, btw. Don't know Tilt, but I'll be for sure coming back for the link.) Fraser's so taken by surprise and it gets right under his defences (the whole fic, really, but omg that scene) and it KILLS ME. Also, it's like the ur-Woobie Fraser, which is the number one way to get me involved and flailing and dying on the floor.

There are a whole bunch of scenes like that for me, where I just sort of accidentally know every line by heart. Hee. The link for Tilt is up above, if you're still looking. I am totally going to reread Passion now, aren't I. Sigh. MY LIFE IS SO HARD.

I love the surprise thing. I think the attitude characters have toward the sex they're having is very important to me, maybe. Like they're surprised, or they're desperate, or they're kind of annoyed (this happens a lot in SGA fandom, where there's a lot of fic involving the characters being all huffy and "GOD, FINE, I'll have some really amazing sex, geez."

The problem with Tilt is there are at least two, maybe three fics called 'Tilt' in the due South fandom.

In conclusion, titles are BITCHES, porn is hot.

First, I'm going to be DS-centric here, because I find the stuff only works for me in my main fandom a lot of the time. (Which is sad, because I miss my old bulletproof SV ones that don't work any more!)

Hmmm. There actually are BADFIC stories that can do this for me; I think it must just be the utter shamelessness of them that hits me in those cases.

But stuff I actually think is good -- okay, it depends, but here's what first comes to mind. China Shop's Mail Order, forever and ever; I had the genderfuck kink long before that, but that is sort of my platonic ideal. The scene in Speranza's A Moment of Insight when Ray stops blowing Fraser and crawls on top of him and fucks himself on Fraser's cock. Most of Aukestrel's Dry Clean Only, because nrrrrgrh. And much of Dira's hockey AU. Oh, and god, this ficlet from cmshaw (http://cmshaw.livejournal.com/149309.html), which is directly responsible for every time I have mentioned V/K/F in the past three years.

I don't think I have a main fandom anymore, fic-reading-wise (people-wise, I am DS all the way forever and ever). I guess I am just a huge slutbag for shiny new fandoms, and then I never fully abandon the ones I stop being obsessed with. Which is great news for my porn habits! Uhm.

Yeah, oh my God, absolutely - there are things that got me hot that I would NEVER admit to in public, because the writing style is so embarrassing.

I am going to be up all night, what with these and bandslash recs, aren't I? Whatever, tomorrow's Saturday, I can sleep in.

I've been reading pretty much exclusively SGA recently and have discovered my deep, deep love for D/s and bondage fic. SGA is such a kinky, kinky fandom.

I love pretty much every kink fic by

wolfshark, but I especially love Sharp (http://community.livejournal.com/mckay_sheppard/1335816.html#cutid1) (play piercing, one kink I didn't know I had until I read it) and The -ful series (http://home.comcast.net/~wolfshark/ful.html) (D/s, bondage, nipple torture, spanking, whipping, double dicking, fisting, marking, wax play. Rodney makes such a *pretty* bottom).

I also have much love for Patience is a Virtue (http://community.livejournal.com/mckay_sheppard/963776.html#cutid1) and Breaking Point (http://community.livejournal.com/mckay_sheppard/931458.html#cutid1) by

30toseoul.

Still (http://chelle.slashcity.org/atlantis/still.shtml) by

mmmchelle and

thegrrrl2002 has a lovely facial scene at the end.

Another bullet proof kink is when the gay cherry is popped.

Wordless (http://chelle.slashcity.org/atlantis/wordless.shtml) by

mmmchelle pops Rodney's cherry (ngh, ngh, NGH!) and Easy (http://www.geocities.com/thegrrrl2002/atlantis/03/easy.html) by

thegrrrl2002 pops John's cherry (OH MY FUCKING GOD, one of the hottest things ever! John's never been fucked before. Rodney doesn't know it and starts to fuck John and John doesn't say anything and lets Rodney fuck him and loves it.)

I also have a love for face fucking, which is nicely covered by

wolfshark in her kinky fic (http://home.comcast.net/~wolfshark/stargate_atlantis.html) (most of her fic is kink, the mild stuff generally isn't labled on her site but the harder core stuff is).

There are so many more, most of which can be found on

fairestcat's excellent set of kink recs here (http://community.livejournal.com/fairestrecs/tag/kink+fic).

*embraces her kinky side*

and after writing this comment about kinky fic? I'm going to go read light, fluffy romantic SGA by

likethekoschka

i've found mmmchelle's and thegrrrl's stuff in general fits very much the bill for me, mostly because they're incredibly detailed and esp. Chelle has a thing for fingering and describing it in detail which i find very very hot.

Not so much into D/s, though I agree with most of the fics you link (again, I think b/c of the details and the touches and the sensory descriptions)

I have a bunch of fics like that, but here's a sample of three (trying not to replicate the above :), everagaby's Watch (http://everagaby.livejournal.com/38938.html), Chelle's Weight in my Hand (http://chelle.slashcity.org/atlantis/weight.shtml), and Shalott's Some Things Never Stop (http://www.intimations.org/fanfic/stargate/But%20Some%20Things%20Never%20Stop%20Being%20Funny.html)...

GOD I can't think of any right now but for me, due South is one of the rare fandoms where the porn is SO hot that I can sort of forget that I'm all hearts and flowers about these guys. Like, a lot of the time, OTP sex can't get me off, but jesus christ there's a lot of talent for that here.

Now that I've said that, demonstration of the not!OTP thing and the kink that I kind of blame Nora Roberts for, but I swear I can trace this back to Pinocchio: Consequences (http://candygramme.livejournal.com/42505.html) Jared/JeffDM, spanking. So maybe I kind of have this thing for authority figures and spanking (but I don't want it happening in like, OTPs, I'm not into the BDSM thing, as we've discussed extensively)

Though that does bring up another RPS spanking thing. Dressing Down (http://elementalv.livejournal.com/399467.html). This part? Callum brings the pointer up between Paul’s legs, stopping only when he lifts Paul’s balls a little. Oh. Jesus. Cross dressing isn't that big of a thing, but nnnnnngh.

Everyone elses thoughts on 'so turned on they come early' and god, if someone is so eager they get shoved up against a wall, yes please. OH there's one where Ray forgets to close the door to his apartment he's just SO into the getting Fraser naked thing.

The threesome in Some Strange Prophecy is kind of a go-to porn thing, also. And oh, I love how I had this summarized as "Slutty Ray" because it so IS. Roughed Up (http://members.tripod.com/happyfriendbox/rougedup.html) BLG. We have Ray coming in his pants in the kitchen and then Fraser fucking him, but god, Ray is totally in charge of being fucked and he's just. nngh

I, um, um, girls. Which I haven't found enough of. So if you know of more f/f fic out there that I'm missing...

kalpurna

Let's talk about failsafes! I can't believe I'm not flocking this!

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April