kalpurna

1. Everyone, why am I such a giant perv?

So for reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture, I was talking to shoemaster about Patrick being really freaky in bed, a thought which is so hot I actually have to pause every time I think about it and just REFLECT.

me: alllllso, bridget said she remembered hearing somewhere sometime that Patrick Stump (omg i just typed jon walker, FREUDIAN SLIP) is filthy in bed
me: like, he's a freak
me: WHICH IS SUCH AN INSANELY HOT THOUGHT THAT I THINK MY BRAIN FRIED
shoemaster: I need five minutes alone with that thought
me: I need five HOURS alone with that thought
me: also, five million words of fic
me: because Pete is canonically FREAKY AS HELL in bed
me: so fic where Pete is a little weirded out by Patrick's kinkiness?
me: I NEED IT SO BADLY, ALLISON
shoemaster: AHAHAHA
me: when asked how much, on a scale of one to ten, he enjoys anal sex, pete wentz WITHOUT HESITATION said ten
shoemaster: did they specify pitching or catching?
me: NOPE!
me: BEST PART Y/Y/OF COURSE
shoemaster: OF COURSE
me: dude, but I'm picturing Patrick with like... a drawerful of toys
shoemaster: ball gag?
me: uh, obvs

Yeah, I don't know, you guys. The conversation deteriorated from there into us pasting links to each other of things PStump should own/use.

shoemaster: http://www.goodvibes.com/Item--i-3-3-GK-0401--m-23 hahaha Pete hates these, I think
me: ahahahahahahaah!
me: he's like, come on, just fucking spank me or something, enough of this bullshit
me: http://store.babeland.com/bdsm-clamps/clover-clamps
me: These sexy non-adjustable clamps punish impatience by tightening when you pull against them. Do you know anyone who needs to learn a lesson?
me: IT'S LIKE IT WAS MADE FOR PETE
shoemaster: ahahaha
me: http://store.babeland.com/bdsm-equipment/dripping-candle
me: ...dude.
shoemaster: http://store.babeland.com/deluxe-delights/bondage-harness-medium
me: dude, YES.
me: HAHAHA YES
me: OMG, PATRICK
me: PETE WOULD BE HONESTLY SHOCKED
me: PATRICK WOULD BE LIKE, *BITES LIP* WE CAN WORK UP TO IT?
me: personally, I think these
me: http://store.babeland.com/bdsm-first-timers/panther-collar-and-cuffs-kit
me: would look pretty amazing on pete
shoemaster: jesus yes
shoemaster: god, where does Patrick start? like what does he bring out to try and ease Pete into it?
me: oh man, I don't even know
me: maybe just some cuffs, or something?
me: or like, he just ties him up with a scarf or something first
shoemaster: yeah
shoemaster: something totally vanilla
shoemaster: but then they have trouble getting the knots undone or something
shoemaster: so the NEXT time, patrick is all "I thought we could use these instead"
shoemaster: and Pete TOTES thinks Patrick just got them
me: all innocent faced!
me: at first patrick takes it real slow
me: and pete feels kind of superior
me: like, this is clearly the kinkiest thing patrick's ever done!
shoemaster: hahaha
me: (AND THEN HE FINDS THE DRAWER.)
shoemaster: AHAHAHA
shoemaster: yep
shoemaster: and he doesn't even RECOGNIZE half of the shit
me: I KNOW
me: HE IS STUNNED.
me: and then he notices a couple of discreet hooks on the wall and ceiling
shoemaster: he thought they were left over light fixtures!
shoemaster: like, from the previous occupant!
me: OBVIOUSLY!
shoemaster: it was a more logical assumption than PATRICK LIKES TO TIE PEOPLE UP AND HANG THEM FROM THERE WHILE BLOWING THEM

And then she reminded me that BDSM is not even my kink, nor is it hers. I just. What does this fandom DO to me?

(P.S. This is why I do not want bandom dudes/ladies* to have livejournals, okay? DON'T GOOGLE YOURSELVES, SAYS MIKEYWAY.)

*You know, dudes, ladies, dudes who look like ladies...

2. Fandom, why you gotta make me so sad?

I hate to beat a dead horse, but as I seem to be doing with every wank these days, I find myself coming back to the issue of language use. I'm sorry to be boring, but oh man, it just keeps being TRUE. We are an internet community. Language is all we have. It MATTERS what you call your challenge. It matters even to people who aren't members of your community.

The thing that really pisses me off (well, one of MANY things) is the tendency to turn on witchqueen and blame her email for being overly accusatory. In response, I'd like to mention two things: 1) it wasn't that accusatory, considering; but more importantly, 2) when someone gets punched in the throat, it's not actually their job to make sure the person who did the punching feels comfortable about that. Even if her email had, and I am not exaggerating, consisted of "AAAAAARGH GO DIE YOU RACIST ASSHOLES," with a link to the tag in question, it would still have been their responsibility to deal with. Sorry, white people, that's the way the cookie crumbles! On the one hand, we get all that white privilege; on the other hand, the onus is on us to not be racist jerks, even by accident. You win some, you lose some. It's sort of like how men sometimes carry an unfair burden of proof when accused of rape - it kind of sucks that they always have to be able to prove consent, but then again, they can also walk in a public place at night or travel alone without much fear of sexual assault. Again. You win some, you lose some.

A lot of other people have said it better, but I think it's worth saying anyway. Because language is all we have. And because it matters.

3. Bandom, why so consistently amaaaazing?

Seriously. This is a message going out to anyone who's not in bandslash, but still has me friended (uhm, also, I am SO SORRY): THIS FANDOM IS RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME. Recently, I keep running into people from other RPS fandoms squeeing about their own little moments of canon gay, and I just. Guys. WHAT.