gardening makes me grumpy [kalpurna]

gigantic said just about everything I wanted to say about the Brendon drama already, so yay, that saves me some typing.

Despite being pretty weirded out that apparently my last entry is showing up on the first page of Google results for "Tom Conrad livejournal" and the second page for "Tom Conrad fanfiction," I'm not turning off Google indexing on my LJ. I've got a bunch of reasons, including how terrible I am at finding things in my own blog without Googling for them, but it mostly boils down to - we're not going to get fanfic to disappear from Google. It's not happening. The best we're going to do is get most of the saner, more intelligent, less Quizilla-like fanfic to disappear. And so I guess my feeling is that it's not such a bad thing to be more visible than that other kind of fan activity, since we're not going to become completely invisible at this point anyway, and I'm willing to take that hit (especially because, uh, I don't WRITE about Tom.) I totally understand if you disagree; I struggled with this, and I'm not entirely comfortable with it still.

I have a new layout! I suddenly had a REALLY VIOLENT reaction of distaste to my old layout, and I have no idea why. I didn't even screencap the old one in my desperation to change it, which is a little sad, because I had that for a while! Thnks fr th mmrs, old layout. :(

A secret message to someone who might be reading this:
and then they went on to say that the Pearly Gates
have such eloquent graffiti
like: “we'll meet again” and “fuck the Man”
and “tell my mother not to worry”

I'm so greedy for new canon. I can't believe I used to be in fandoms where canon was an hour long once a week for 22 weeks. How did I even handle that?

Wait, I have one thing left to say about Brendon, I'm sorry, I know this could all be fabricated and I'm being wankier than I want to. But - it's just that when we're women in a slash-dominant RPF fandom, fangirling men, it's easy - it's way too easy - to slur the distinction between acceptable and unacceptable behavior, because we care about them, we like them, we respect them, we want them to be good people and we want to defend them. And I just want to make sure we take a step back and remember that this girl might wear a lot of make-up, she might want to be with someone famous, she might look different than, say, Jamia and we might think she's weaker than Jamia and we might not admire her, but none of that means it's okay for Brendon to treat her the way that letter said he treated her. I don't care about the kink, I don't care about the casual sex - I care about the fact that he acted like a gigantic douche. It's just not remotely okay, and nothing about who she is or what she did makes her deserve being treated like that by anyone. Fuck that shit.

Oh my God, surely I have something less controversial to say. Ummmmmm. I CHANGED MY PROFILE LAYOUT TOO, GUYS.

OH HEY, wait, I do have something cool to tell you! My bff went to the Dresden Dolls concert in NYC on New Year's Eve, and then afterwards came to the party I was at. She started telling me about how awesome it was, and how great they were, and then this happened:

Meela: Man, and there was this super-hot bellydancer -
Me: Oh! Was her name Katie Kay?
Meela: O_O

So yeah, Katie Kay's still hanging with Amanda Palmer! Write me some porn about THAT, if you please.

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To point 6 all I have to say is WORD.

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Aww, yay! I'm glad I'm not alone. :D

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So much yes to 6. It's grossing me out so hard that I'm actually reading comments like "she deserved it" or "who cares." Just gross and sad.

UM, YEAH. There's been a lot of that going around, and I'm not such a fan. :(

So yeah, Katie Kay's still hanging with Amanda Palmer! Write me some porn about THAT, if you please.

I second this motion!

I need to read up on the bden controversy. I've heard mumblings of it but don't really know what's up...

can't we all just go back to the times where pete had a bet that none of the boys in Panic! had ever had sex?

I just don't know why it doesn't happen more often! Greta/Katie Kay/Amanda Palmer: the OT3 of they totally toured together that one time.

There's some links in the comments of

gigantic's post that should explain it, I think?

awww, but then we wouldn't have happy hippie Ryro!

there needs to be more girlslash in general, I feel. And that tour is totally, 100% underfic'd

I read

gigantic's post. And yeah, I really doubt the veracity of a lot of that, but if it did happen then seriously, bad bden! no cookie! (I almost typed cockie by accident. a large part of me feels that's enormously more appropriate)

....what if it were just the "ahaha! panic boys don't have sex!" part that hadn't changed? and everything else was the same. Because you're right. I'm not sure I want to live in a world where ryro isn't Gabe Saporta's "friend. best friend"

They were in Chicago on Saturday but I was cheap and there were RL friend things to do but ohhhh I wish I could've gone.

I wish I had gone to the NYE thing. D:

I'm not sure I believe the things she wrote in that letter. Maybe I'm too cynical, but I've just seen too many ugly break-ups where both people involved lied their ass off about the other one in the most hurtful way possible, and at this point I take anything an angry ex says with a large pinch of salt.

That said, I don't disbelieve her because she wears a lot of make-up and her hair's a pretty color, and I want to go around and punch some of the people who are dismissing her because of that, or because she's "fat" (HELLO? EXCUSE ME, WHAT? NO, SERIOUSLY, WHAT?), or who believe her every word and still thinks she deserves it. No. Just, NO. If everything she said is actually completely true, than that's just appalingly assholish, and being young and stupid is no excuse.

That said, the idea of Brendon as sort of an oblivious asshole in bed (not out of malice, as the letter would have him, but just because he's clueless and all he knows about sex comes from porn and Cosmo and too many girls who lack the self-respect to tell him he's doing it wrong) is the first thing that's ever actually made me want to write about him. I don't know, that characterization is just really interesting to me. I want to see him learn the error of his ways!

(Especially the story

disarm_d suggested - How does he feel the first time a guy treats him like that?)

I don't know, I really don't, and I don't even know if she wrote it. The thing is, though, it doesn't matter that much to me. There have definitely been other indications that he treats women this way - I've heard this kind of story more than once from more than one source. It could all be huge lies, but I'm not sure. And whether or not it's true, I'm worried about how fandom's reacting to it much more than I'm worried about the actual personal life of someone I don't know, I guess.

That's pretty much INCREDIBLY annoying and it makes me unhappy to no end. I think sometimes fandom prioritizes girlfriends who look more like we do, and I just. Ugh. That's not something I'm particularly interested in. I guess I just feel like the onus shouldn't be on young girls to have self-respect, so much as on everybody in the world to treat other people with respect, especially if you're fucking them.

We definitely should get some interesting fic out of this, that's for sure! :D

Trapeze Swinger love!!!!!!!!!!! (that's eleven, you can count)

Okay, make fun of me, go ahead, but. How do you even do that with the Google indexing? *is incompetent*

Oh, hey, maybe I should have read my flist before posting. Oops?

P.S. I love the layout, ma'am!

Ahahahaha awwwww. ♥ ♥ ♥

Hee! Go here (http://www.livejournal.com/manage/settings/), and click "Minimize your journal's inclusion in search engine results." You should be fine anyway, though, because you're flocked.

Thaaanks! :DDDD

Dude, you posted my extraspecialverse that I wibble over every time I hear it! Hi, my name is Gina, I'm a huge loser.

Eureka! I totally knew how to do that already. Why it didn't equate is beyond me. Oh wait, incompetent, riiiight.

Oh hey, so since when does being female and having sex with Brendon Urie mean you don't deserve respect? I'M TRYING REALLY HARD NOT TO SHANK SOME PEOPLE, UGH!

I just love that song SO MUCH. It's so long, and I'm always sad when it ends. ♥

UMMM I DON'T KNOW APPARENTLY I MISSED THAT MEMO.

*makes grabby hands at ♥Michael Cera♥*

OMG THE TRAPEZE SWINGER! I love that song so hard! Those lyrics are the amazingest thing ever.

They really aaaare! It's my default song for missing people, I must admit.

Dammit, I am so tired of people pulling out "slut" to describe these scene queens. I don't even really know what a scene queen DOES, exactly, except take a lot of photos and apparently have very impressive hair and makeup activities. But I DON'T CARE. I don't care if I would be these girls' best friends, it's not fucking cool to talk shit about them, they're just GIRLS. Fuck, most of them are like 18, 19, 20, 21 years old. They're fucking BABIES.

As for the Brendon stuff - I kind of am completely unsurprised, but it still doesn't mean that "oh, he's just a 20 year old dude" should be permission. He got famous fast, was a total nerd who couldn't get sexual partners of choice to save his life, and his life rapidly changed. Add that to the porn-saturated world we live in and, no, I'm not surprised. But boy needs to sack up and grow the fuck up. Yesterday.

Oh god, yeah. SERIOUSLY. I can't believe some of the judgment that goes down about people who, let's face it, aren't doing ANYTHING Pete Wentz doesn't wake up every morning psyched to do. Ugh, it's just kind of disappointing.

That's it exactly. I'm not shocked, it's not that unusual. It's also not remotely okay.

HAI HONEY.

*glomps*

HEY YOU. *clings*

I think you are made of win, you know. Let's go to the pub and drink Coke until we're flailing with sugar, mmkay?

*leans on your shoulder*

♥♥♥

I approve of this plan.

IRON&WINE. ♥

(Which I mistype as Iron & Whine every. damn. time.)

Ahahahaha, that's better than my most common typo, which is "Great" when I mean "Greta." :D

I think most of that post was angry breakup bitching. Lana has claimed the post was a fake, written by a hacker. Either it's fake, or it's stuff that she wishes she could take back. Audrey admitted that she made stuff up, and started rumors to hurt Brendon. I'm not going to get worked up over rumors. If someone actually wants their name on a post saying that Brendon was disrespectful I will take it seriously.

I know I've mentioned in other posts that Brendon sounds "young" and I'd like to point out that I did not mean that as an excuse for his behavior. I may agree that his actions are 'young' or 'average,' but I have a lot of issues with the 'average' sexual behavior of a twenty year old guy. I guess I just wanted to open the context up and bitch about everyone, not just Brendon. Heh!
I'm uncomfortable with a culture where banging as many hot scene girls, or guys in bands is more important than communicating and having fun together. I mean, none of these people sound like they are having any fun. They don't even appear to like the people they are sleeping with. SEX SHOULD BE LOTS OF FUN! YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG! I find the whole situation disappointing, from Brendon not respecting the people he's sleeping with, to these girls for being accepting of this behavior, to a culture that doesn't expect anything more than this.

Hmmm, honestly, I don't know enough to say one way or another. All I know is that a lot of people have claimed Brendon doesn't treat girls he sleeps with well, some of whom have reason to know - and that fandom's reaction seems to in large part be "so what?" or "she was to blame." That's what I'm reacting to, mostly, not the actual situation that may or may not have happened. If that makes sense?

I think that's true. I think the culture's messed up, I think it's entirely likely that the girls are messed up. But I guess I come back to thinking that no matter what culture you live in or how little people respect themselves, it's still your job to respect them. It's still your responsibility not to be a douche. So I'm a little disappointed in Brendon, and I'm a lot disappointed in us for apologizing for him. Even though I totally understand the impulse! He's, in many ways, a total precious dork! He's doing things many guys do! But - that's not really enough?

Oh, I agree that it's his responsibility. He's an adult. There is nothing (except lack of desire) stopping him from being a better person. I don't care if you were raised by wolves, basic respect is not hard to learn. To put it crudely- I don't care how much porn you've watched, you don't try to shove your dick in someone's ass unless you have cleared the idea with them first. This isn't something you need to learn, it's something that comes naturally from having basic respect for the person you are sleeping with.

So, yeah. If it's true Brendon is taking advantage of his position, and he's a selfish jerk.

and that fandom's reaction seems to in large part be "so what?" or "she was to blame." That's what I'm reacting to, mostly, not the actual situation that may or may not have happened. If that makes sense?

Yeah! That's the part that where I become uncomfortable and have to call bullshit. Like, even if this particular situation isn't true, the fact that that's how some people would react if it was true is really unfortunate to me. People should respect each other, and I'm not down with apologizing for individuals who don't know how to do that, I don't care how much I enjoyed your album.

#6: THANK YOU!!! I've been wanting to say that, but not wanting to get enough into the whole thing to do so.

#8: Amanda Palmer/Katie Kay? Y/Y/MFY????

MFYYYYYYYYYYY. Oh god, the hotness!

Thank you. I have been so sad reading people's posts about the Brendon situation. He's young, she deserved it because she wanted to be able to tell people she was his girlfriend, I love Bden foreva and eva and I don't care if he fucks a million scene sluts up the ass without lube and come on their faces....just *hands* :(

I don't know, dude, it makes me unhappy. SIGH. I get the temptation, but just... ouch.

I've been listening to those MSI songs a lot lately. Thanks again for sending them to me. :D

Also, I'm sure you've seen this already but just in case: Tasteit TV Interview with MSI (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CZSeYhn7yk)

You may have seen this too. (http://misskatiekay.blogspot.com/) *shrugs*

Oh dude, I actually hadn't seen either of those! Thank you so much for the links, that's awesome! :DDDDDDDDD

Oh YAY! I'm so glad. You're very welcome. :D

...Now I really just want, like, Panic!'s own Lysistrata story, where Cassie and Haley and Keltie all refuse to fuck their respective boys until they step in and make Brendon knock that the fuck off, because that is not cool. If necessary, by fucking him themselves.

Yep. Someone should write that. Someone who is not me.

Ahahahahahaha I would read it SO HARD. I think you should do it! I think you should spend ALL your time writing marvelous things for meeeee. *chinhands*

Oh my goodness that would be awesome! Please will you write this?

6. I think I love you.

#2 would be incredibly useful, if I didn't have that option turned on already. <333

You mean that people are saying shit against #6 and condoning the uber duchebag behavior(intent does not matter as much as outcome in this case) of a 20 something who learned about sex from porn?

Yeah, fuck that noise.

#8 would be awesome to read. More so if Greta was also in it.

Re: #6, there is not enough MFY! in the world!

I just found out about this and I'm about to go look at what other people have to say and I have a feeling I'm gonna need to come back and reread this quite a few times so I don't end up stabbing someone. So, you know, thank you for saying this. Thank you a lot. ♥!

6. If all this is true, Brendon's an arsehole, there's no doubt about it. He needs to grow the fuck up. BUT I also don't understand why she didn't just leave him. I would have hoped that she (or any woman in her situation) would realise that they don't deserve that shit, and leave. This isn't me blaming her, this is me just confused by the whole situation.

8. Yes, please. :D